So I thought it might be fun to find out about some of the people who play with us. Given that I don’t know that much about most people, I figured I’d start with me, since I know me pretty well.
Name: Chris Ballard
Age: 40 (bloody hell)
Job: Something in digital marketing. He won’t tell you exactly, because his job security relies on people thinking it’s a lot more complicated and difficult than it really is.
What do you like to do in your spare time? This, apparently.
Ah, what can we say about this guy? He’s excellent at (checks notes)….er, “turning up”, and also has a very good track record with “washing the green pinnies”.
Despite looking – and usually playing – like an albino potato, I think we can all agree that he is, basically a hero. I suppose we could say that he’s decent at passing the ball, most of the time. even though he does have a slight propensity to attempt crosses – possibly ascribable to his British upbringing – when he needn’t, as well sometimes attempt Cruyff turns despite having the turning circle of the Exxon Valdez.
Oh, and he can use his left foot for more than standing on, which puts him above at least 90% of the group.
Ratings
(note, these are entirely the opinion of the writer and have little bearing on..well, anything really)
Stats
Average goals per game: 1.42
Volleys attempted: 1,097
Volleys on target: 3
Volleys currently in low-earth orbit: 643
Top speed: Somewhere between “stoned snail” and “sloth on the way to his first proctology exam”
Most likely to say: “Left Foot, Pete!”
Least likely to say: “Excellent, I’m glad you decided to dribble round that 4th person and then not pass the ball, well done”
